Swan Song

It occurred to me recently that I didn’t explain the reason why my regrettable actions during my tube experience all those weeks ago led to me exposing my thoughts online, and believe me I’ve often thought that what’s in here should just stay in here. My rationale may well be quite apparent, but as I’ve stated previously I like to waffle so I’m going to explain anyway. As you are all aware (if you’ve read my first post), the second after I stepped off the train that day I began to chastise my self. I’m sure we’ve all reached the point where we’re so frustrated with a situation that we realise something needs to be done about it. In this case it’s my inherent fear of rejection and during my self reprimanding I began to formulate a plan. However I was aware that even with ‘The Challenge’ set, it would be all too easy to tell myself I would attempt the tasks and never actually follow through. To avoid my inner naysayer taking over as is usually the case, I decided I would share my idea far and wide (well with my female relations and friends) to avoid me giving up so easily. Once I committed to writing the blog, before penning (figuratively speaking) the first post I really regretted my decision to tell people I knew, but I must say writing this blog has been one of the most cathartic experiences I have ever had.

For anyone reading this who doesn’t know me, it was my birthday last week. Growing up my respective families always made my birthday feel like the best time in the year, forget Christmas. My birthday always falls during the October half term of the school year so not only would both sides of my family ultimately make me feel incredibly special but I would usually have multiple activities planned as I wasn’t at school for the whole week. So MY birthday was not confined to just one day like so many others. I was always incredibly excited for my birthday to come round as I knew it would be filled with lots of fun and lots of love. So now as an adult I could be accused of being a bit of a diva about my birthday, but essentially I’m filled with such fond memories from my childhood, why would I not want to replicate that feeling in adulthood? Anyway the reason I am telling you this is that I had booked a table at my old favourite ‘The Cuban’ and I was sure that I would be ticking tasks off of my list like a teacher marking an incredibly gifted students work. Alas I was wrong, I had a really enjoyable night but unfortunately I got a little too sauced to even know what a task was let alone complete one. The intention was there though and that counts right?

I’ve mentioned this previously but my new job requires that I attend a certain amount of networking events and on my first day back, after my birthday holiday, I attended the best event I’ve ever been to. Initially I planned to leave after about an hour but I was so captivated by the speakers I ended up staying until the bitter end. As I was leaving I caught the eye of the cutest guy I’ve seen in a while, having had so many recent opportunities to practice this skill now means that I have absolutely no hesitation before making eye contact and smiling (that at least I can do). He smiled back and I continued on my way and walked out the door. I immediately recognised the situation for what it was and this challenge must really have started to affect a change in me because I decided to turn round, go back into that room and ‘network’ some more. It turned out that he’s a motivational speaker of sorts and he’s created a Community Interest Company which has programmes for young people to express and practice their creative talent. He was so passionate about his work and it was so refreshing to speak to someone with such an interest in helping the community that I feel a little ashamed, but we have swapped cards and I’ve agreed to go down and volunteer with them one day soon.

As last weekend was also the end of October I really wanted to make Saturday count but typically I did not spot one opportunity to chat or even one attractive man that I could sidle up to, but that was probably because it was too dark to see in the club. And thus my challenge has come to an end not with a BANG but with a whimper. However I can’t tell you how pleased I am that I attempted it, even with last minute alterations and some missed moments. Over the last 2 months I have sought out more opportunities to talk to men than I have in my previous 28 years. As with any venture I’ve had points where I felt I could have tried harder and moments where I’ve been especially proud of myself. However overall I’m extremely happy with all I have accomplished. I’ve also done an immense amount of soul searching and I would advocate a self challenge to everyone, although maybe you don’t have to share your uncensored thoughts with the internet! Whether it be to speak to that cute guy you see every so often, or join that photography class you haven’t gotten round to, or even volunteering your time to others. I am a strong believer in self challenges, self improvement and fundamentally self discovery. Although ‘The Challenge’ is over I’m going to do my best to continue with my endeavours, and I already have my next “challenge” in the pipeline and I promise if I see a guy who I think is attractive I now know that I will at least smile his way.

Needless to say this is going to be my last post about my 30 day turned 61 day challenge but I just want to say a MASSIVE thank you to you all. For reading my blog and relating to my thoughts and to those who set my tasks and for those who went out of their way to complete my tasks with me. All of you in your own way have been so encouraging and I really really appreciate you all.

Until Next time…



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