Similarly to Week 2, Week 4 didn’t get off to the greatest start. After 5 tiring and busy weekdays Friday had snuck up on me like an assassin as did the recognition that I hadn’t completed any tasks, which made me determined that I should tell a stranger a joke that night. One of the members of my new team was leaving so I spent my very first night out in Canary Wharf and I must say I had an enjoyable evening.
First we headed to Via Bar which was quite empty meaning that there was literally no one for me to even think about approaching, the silver lining being that we didn’t have to queue at the bar and even more remarkably the drinks were cheap. After a few drinks we went for dinner, and later we headed to the much talked about (by my new colleagues anyway) Rum & Sugar.
Immediately as I stepped over the threshold I realised that, that particular Friday was not going to be my night. Why? I hear you wonder…Well the previous day I had been standing in heels all day so when I woke with still sore feet I made the executive decision to wear flats to work.
Upon entering Rum & Sugar (which is a bar with an extremely lively dance floor) an uncomfortable feeling hit me, and I was somewhat rattled as a shocking awareness took over. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I do not feel comfortable on a night out without heels. It’s completely farcical that the smallest thing can make you feel less attractive and essentially throw salt in your game. I know it was such a silly thing but it really did throw me and while I still had a fun night silly dancing and drinking prosecco I just couldn’t bring myself to try and approach anyone. After begging the DJ to play Candy we decided to call it a night and catch the last train home.
I stepped onto the Jubilee line praying that I would make my connections in time and all worry left my head when I instantly spotted a cute boy, with a shiny red contraption that looked similar to a skateboard. I was curious about the gadget and I found him attractive so I figured I had nothing to lose in sitting next to him. I touched his arm to get his attention and then pointing toward the object of interest I innocently asked “What’s that?” He explained that it was a Segway, as soon as he answered I realised that I did in fact already know what it was, but not to be deterred as I was already on a roll, I asked him a series of questions along the lines of, how easy it was to balance on and how long it took him to learn. He told me that it didn’t take him that long however it took his sister a little longer and she had in fact broken his previous one. We then chatted amicably until London Bridge which was sadly only 2 stops away.
Possessing the balance and poise of a full grown elephant I think I would be in the same camp as his sister so I may take segway lessons before I invest in one myself. Who knows one day with a bit of practice I may even be able to do the segway dance routine that’s gone viral this week. It just goes to show that sometimes no matter how determined you are, you just cannot force it, I think it’s definitely better to wait for the right opportunities to come along than insist I’m going to adopt an anyone will do attitude. It just doesn’t feel as fulfilling. Also I guess I don’t need my heels to feel attractive on the tube.
At the risk of my blog becoming something it’s not supposed to be, I just wanted to share with you all that I went on a date last Sunday…
It wasn’t originally part of my tasks as I have been on dates before. However with this one I experienced something that I don’t know that I’ve felt on a first date since I became a fully fledged adult…first date nerves! We met on the app Happn and after about a week and a half of chatting we arranged to go watch the Martian. He booked tickets at the Odeon so we arranged to meet at Fulham Broadway at half 6 so we could grab a drink beforehand. I arrived before he did and on the journey over and especially during the waiting period I felt butterflies in my stomach and my thoughts were running overtime. Did this mean I fancied him, I wondered, or was it just due to the fact that I was out of dating practice? I got my answer, immediately as soon as I set eyes on him I wasn’t bowled over by that slightly giddy excited feeling. While the date in general was pleasant at no point did I feel those ‘tingles’ that are synonymous with fancying someone.
I can hear my Auntie in my head telling me to give him a chance, however I have to admit that although he did ‘make noises’ about seeing me again I’ve decided not to pursue it any further. Those of you who know me well probably know that I do have a cynical edge (although I prefer to believe I’m realistic) but when it comes to dating I do have an optimistic if also unrealistic view on how things should go. I want it all. I want to feel instant attraction for the man I date. I want us to get on like best friends. I want him to be intelligent and funny and considerate and sensitive…essentially I want him to be perfect (for me anyway) and while this may mean that only 0.01% of the men (if any) I meet fulfill this criteria I am of the opinion that it’s no less than I deserve and at this point in my life I don’t want to settle for anything else.
I’m going to end today’s post with a little bit of good news and I hope you agree.
I have been ruminating on this for the last week or so and I have come to the decision that I am officially extending THE CHALLENGE. As the second two weeks of September came and went I found it increasingly difficult to identify opportunities. I think it takes an immense amount of talent to be able to accost indifferent commuters who just want to get to work or home as fast as possible (and I can’t say I blame them, I’m one of them). As I said earlier it also feels more natural to be able to have a conversation and not force a 30 second interaction for the sake of it that ends without much hope of drawing it out.
Another reason I’ve been thinking this way is that, the main point in setting myself the challenge was to try to become more comfortable and not react like a pre-adolescent when faced with a Beautiful man. I think that as much as I’ve achieved and discovered about myself I’m still a work in progress of sorts. Don’t get me wrong having to do these tasks has helped in that I definitely force myself to talk to people when I would normally avoid them. However I have put a lot of pressure on myself promising to complete a task a day and the truth is that I don’t see people who make me that nervous everyday and therefore forcing myself to complete a task when I’m not 100% attracted to them is somewhat counter productive. In an approach similar to Systematic Desensitisation, I have approached guys that I am semi attracted to (with a few exceptions) which has caused me a modicum of anxiety however now that I know I can do that I need to step up my game and go after the men who make me tingle.
Also I really can’t call ‘The Challenge’ a bonafide success until I give my number to someone on the tube can I…?
God help me!